Decisions.

Life is hard. It is full of choices, decisions to be made. Parenthood is difficult. Who doesn't want what is best for their son or daughter? And then there is labor itself. While I have no experience in that arena, listening to mothers speak of their experiences is similar to listening to vets speaking of their war experiences. Everyone's is different, but not many have an "easy" experience.

And yet it is all a consequence of the fall of mankind. Sin entered the world and ruined what God had originally created. Genesis 3:16 says, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, In pain you will bring forth children."

Every time I reflect on this I think to myself, "Thanks Eve."

But, that is life. You take the good parts with the bad. I know that there will be much more to life than this on the other side. The pain, the worry... all will be erased when I am face to face with my creator.

For now though I am here... and life is very real.

We had our doctor's appointment yesterday and the ultrasound revealed once again a big baby boy. They estimated him to weigh 8 lb. 15 oz. with his head only in the 70th percentile but his abdomen in the 98th percentile. This is where the problem lies, obviously any doctor wants to deliver the largest part of the baby first. In our son's case the shoulders are larger and present a possible problem: getting stuck in the birth canal.

Shoulder dystocia occurs in 30% of babies weighing 3500 grams or more. Which, if the ultrasound measurements are correct, ours does. Which means there is a decision to be made. Do we try a vaginal birth, knowing there is a possibility he could get stuck (and thus also meaning there is a possibility of neurological damage, brain damage or even death) or do we try to do things the "natural" way?

After talking to some labor and delivery nurses last night (one that delivered both John AND me years ago!) and doing tons of research our first instinct seemed to be confirmed over and over. While I really, really want to avoid a c-section, I just couldn't live with myself if something happened to my son and I knew I could have prevented it. Sure I shed some tears when I think of not being able to hold my little boy right away, but I would shed far more tears if something worse happened.

For obvious reasons I didn't sleep well last night. I kept dreaming of c-sections and wondering if I am making the right decision. A c-section is a major abdominal surgery and not something to be taken lightly. Early this morning it hit me: I should get out his measurements from when we were in Germany and see what he was measuring.

I thought I remembered his abdomen being big back then too. Sure enough, at our 20 week scan his abdomen was already nearly off the charts. That was back when he was still so tiny, only weighing a little more than a pound. They don't do percentages in Germany, but rather a line scale. His measurements were nearly at the very end of the scale.

To me, that only solidifies our decision. It also puts me a peace that he doesn't have a huge tummy from my diet or something. (I have read that moms who have gestational diabetes often have babies with big tummies!) I guess our little guy must have broad shoulders. Only time will tell, but all arrows seem to point that direction.

So as soon as our doctor's office is open and I will call them with their decision and pray that they can schedule a c-section for early next week. The more recovery time the better. We are supposed to fly out August 11th, so we will see what happens regarding our departure time. That might be pushing it since the recovery from a c-section is a much longer process.

However, all that matters is that we do what we can to deliver a healthy baby boy. Whom, by the way actually cooperated with us yesterday and thus we have some great 3D images of our him! John is so cute... we were already in bed when he said, "Where are the pictures of our son?" Then off he went to find them and bring them back for us to admire. We laid in bed looking at those images, getting even more excited to meet him and hold him in our arms.

I'll try to update some photos later once we have heard back from the doctor and have more news. To make things more complicated, our doctor is actually out of the office this week and thus we are having to go through her P.A.

For now, I am going to attempt to get my brain to wind down so I can get a couple more hours of sleep... I know in the coming days it will be a rare commodity!